Despicable me

"I interviewed people for a job once, I was never asked to do it again. My boss and every single candidate complained about me, apparently I talked too much and didn't ask them any questions."

This was the opening line from Mr Me, who I was on a date with yesterday. I had spoken to him once on the phone and had found him to be somewhat self-absorbed but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and meet him for a coffee.

He was taller than I expected and skinny. We sat down in a little cafe and chatted, mostly about his favourite topic; himself. I kept waiting for him to ask me something but half an hour passed and nothing. So I started to interrupt his monologue with little anecdotes. He was oblivious. He was also not very interesting. I thought to myself that sometimes the people who talk the most about themselves are actually quite boring and probably insecure. Finally, he made an effort to engage with me and what did he say?

 "Hindu Punjabi's are not proper Sikhs"

Now, I thought that the average person would have enough social awareness to realise that Hindu's are not in fact Sikhs. What followed was a discussion on the difference between religion and culture; Mr Me was surprised to learn that being Punjabi is not a religious affiliation. Indeed, he was surprised to learn that Punjab is home to Sikhs, Hindu's, Muslims, Christians and probably other religions too.

 "Well you're just a fountain of knowledge aren't you"

Yes, I am.

And I am shocked that a 35-year-old could be so ignorant yet so sure of himself at the same time. They say that opinion breeds ignorance and in this case it was certainly true. Mr Me continued with his cultural theories on jatt's being the best, all Indian girls having alcohol problems, marrying out of caste being a crime and so on.

What surprised me the most was when he professed to being knowlegdeable about Sikhism. To prove himself he told me to ask him any question I liked about one of our 'prophets'. So, I asked him:

"What was the name of Guru Nanak's mother?" (First thing to come into my head, don't know why).

Met with a blank face.

"I don't know".

So it turned out he's not a proper Sikh and neither am I, but I have enough self-awareness not to make such claims in the company of a stranger. The date ended shortly afterwards.

 A couple of hours later I received a text from Mr Me:

"It was good to meet you but I'm gonna be honest and say I didn't feel enough of a connection for any long-term relationship, I sense you feel the same."

Yes, I felt the same. I replied saying that apart from religion and caste, I didn't feel that we had anything in common. He texted back

"I guess ticking the caste box doesn't mean its a match but hey ho".

Spot on, mate, well done.

I thought that was the end of it but awoke this morning to another text from him:

"Morning, hope your feeling refreshed today. Do you know I had this really bad nightmare last night. I dreamt I was talking to you and you put the phone down on me. I woke up so devastated this morning but thought hold on it was just a dream wasn't it? Anyway enjoy Friday".

This was swiftly followed by "Sorry text meant for someone else".

I was confused by the initial text but after reading the second, I responded:

 "That sounds horrific! Hope she doesn't hang up on you in real life :)"

That was the story of Mr Me, who clearly met me in the hope that I might be the good indian wife that he can take home to mummy. I couldn't have predicted the ending but this morning's text did make me smile.